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Why do people make promises? is a question that had been eating my mind from last few days.So in a way, i had few questions for intelligent people like you.
People make promises when they want to assure or make sure about something/someone in some manner to someone.Am i right? am i missing something to that very definition i stated above? let me know.
Mr. Athan promised her wife , he would quit smoking once she delivers their child who is due next month.He promised his son, he would be buying a bicycle on his next birthday. He promised his boss, to deliver the assignments by next week.He promised His father, he would take care of his mother.he promised his friends he would be meeting them this weekend for that planned secret party.He promised Mrs.Collins, his neighbor, to take her to hospital once he is free with office work.
In life, we make hundreds of promises. Don't we? Why? What is the need? Is life incomplete without them? or is it the other way around?
On new year, we make resolutions and certainly, in a way they are cousins of promises.Aren't they?
Do promises show that you love people or care for them? No, certainly not.If yes, how come care( or love) is bounded by promises.I mean is it not asking someone to love you in a way? asking them to do this, that and all.Why am i feeling that the boiling point comes down to having assurance or having trust.
Can we make a promise to love someone for a lifetime? have you ever did that? Please explain, i am all ears to that you know. As for as i know, people can promise anything( if i take quote"saying"unquote as making a promise, which i think not all the wise people do it without thinking at all)
What about the promises made to the dead? Doesn't that promise note stays forever? Whoa...i cant even imagine that.
Sometimes i feel that promises are like debt and sometimes i feel they are like curse you know( yeah, you are right! like some baba gets angry on some action of yours and curses you to take rebirth as a pig in some south African jungle, where even shit is scarcely available :P). I strongly feel you cannot get rid of promises anytime.They are always there, until you are alive.
Sanjay was in love with Aparna and many a times he couldn't help seeing her photos, her name, her profile etc and one day he promised himself to stop all that as she concluded to him once that its not possible to go further in their relationship because she said, she felt no connection for him. He said ok ( disheartened a lot very much :( ) but again he had to respect her decision because he loved her very much. He promised himself not to call her anytime because the status of their relationship seemed nowhere and it hurted him a lot.He promised himself never to see her again because that feeling of rejection sometimes became more pronounced. He promised himself to forget her completely but he wouldn't do that because still somewhere in the corner of his heart, a place was reserved for her permanently( kind of non volatile place you know :P ). Were this promises worth making ?( i always thought, but you tell me, are they worth it? ) that to myself?? i mean ourselves.Some other day, He feel like seeing her, talking to her and then thinking of no promises he made, he opens the locked albums where he uploaded her photos and keep his trembling hands on call button, after pressing cursor on her number in his cell phone.
Can you really ask someone to forget about someone/something ?? isn't that stupid to ask for? but we do. Why? because that gives some assurance and that assurance is stumbling most of the times.
I don't know why do people ask for promises, when they know life itself is an unanswered question.But sometimes, promises are the ways to delay a question for some time, when you don't have a solution for it right away.What i feel is make a note of things that you need to take care of, but never promise something, which in itself is bounded because promise is a debt after all.
People make promises when they want to assure or make sure about something/someone in some manner to someone.Am i right? am i missing something to that very definition i stated above? let me know.
Mr. Athan promised her wife , he would quit smoking once she delivers their child who is due next month.He promised his son, he would be buying a bicycle on his next birthday. He promised his boss, to deliver the assignments by next week.He promised His father, he would take care of his mother.he promised his friends he would be meeting them this weekend for that planned secret party.He promised Mrs.Collins, his neighbor, to take her to hospital once he is free with office work.
In life, we make hundreds of promises. Don't we? Why? What is the need? Is life incomplete without them? or is it the other way around?
On new year, we make resolutions and certainly, in a way they are cousins of promises.Aren't they?
Do promises show that you love people or care for them? No, certainly not.If yes, how come care( or love) is bounded by promises.I mean is it not asking someone to love you in a way? asking them to do this, that and all.Why am i feeling that the boiling point comes down to having assurance or having trust.
Can we make a promise to love someone for a lifetime? have you ever did that? Please explain, i am all ears to that you know. As for as i know, people can promise anything( if i take quote"saying"unquote as making a promise, which i think not all the wise people do it without thinking at all)
What about the promises made to the dead? Doesn't that promise note stays forever? Whoa...i cant even imagine that.
Sometimes i feel that promises are like debt and sometimes i feel they are like curse you know( yeah, you are right! like some baba gets angry on some action of yours and curses you to take rebirth as a pig in some south African jungle, where even shit is scarcely available :P). I strongly feel you cannot get rid of promises anytime.They are always there, until you are alive.
Sanjay was in love with Aparna and many a times he couldn't help seeing her photos, her name, her profile etc and one day he promised himself to stop all that as she concluded to him once that its not possible to go further in their relationship because she said, she felt no connection for him. He said ok ( disheartened a lot very much :( ) but again he had to respect her decision because he loved her very much. He promised himself not to call her anytime because the status of their relationship seemed nowhere and it hurted him a lot.He promised himself never to see her again because that feeling of rejection sometimes became more pronounced. He promised himself to forget her completely but he wouldn't do that because still somewhere in the corner of his heart, a place was reserved for her permanently( kind of non volatile place you know :P ). Were this promises worth making ?( i always thought, but you tell me, are they worth it? ) that to myself?? i mean ourselves.Some other day, He feel like seeing her, talking to her and then thinking of no promises he made, he opens the locked albums where he uploaded her photos and keep his trembling hands on call button, after pressing cursor on her number in his cell phone.
Can you really ask someone to forget about someone/something ?? isn't that stupid to ask for? but we do. Why? because that gives some assurance and that assurance is stumbling most of the times.
I don't know why do people ask for promises, when they know life itself is an unanswered question.But sometimes, promises are the ways to delay a question for some time, when you don't have a solution for it right away.What i feel is make a note of things that you need to take care of, but never promise something, which in itself is bounded because promise is a debt after all.
Very thoughtful. I like your statement of a promise being a debt. But in this world, it has become common for people to conveniently forget all debts, isn't it? Yes, indeed, it is. If promises were equated to debts then it should come as no surprise to you that people fail to fulfill promises and live up to the people they promised to.
The question of why we promise when we cannot deliver could become an eternal question. The answer will be lame "We promise because we want to assure someone that we are going to do something we expressed in words", but are we really paying any attention to the words we say anyway? That means we are actually not answering the question.
Allow me to go a step further and describe a promise as a debt made in hell. The consequences of failing to keep up the promises are manifold, from disappointment, heart-break to death.
I particularly like the call for action you present at the end. A nice thoughtful exploration that I am sure everyone will want to comprehend and internalize.
nice post..
it's so true :))
lol @ baba getting angry and cursing... ;p
speechless.
neva eva thot of promises so deeply before.
infact neva even gav a second thot before sayin god promise:p
a promise is like a bond.if u ve read harry potter..rememba the unbreakable vow?:)
an assurance to ourselves more than the others that we re not gonna cross a particular boundary.
"dont promise me u ll traverse rivers...
dont promise me u ll love me forever..
dont promise me u ll break ethereal stars..
dont promise me u ll turn pebbles to flowers...
all i need is not jus another promise to show u care...
all i need is jus your simply being there!:)"
p.s: another on the spot for ya post EXCLUSIVE:))
Too many questions! It was a nice read!
Promise is a certain way to run away from a state of affair. I think we make promises (not the special ones!) just to get rid of the hen-pecking situations. For instance, a gf is persistently asking the bf to quit smoking, and he neither can say YES nor NO! So he makes a promise for the time being that he would quit after a certain time (say, when they would get married!)!
Resolutions: I think this is called self promise. And this really works if the will is strong. As an example, "From today, I'd think before I speak".
But there's a difference between promise and resolution. Our thoughts evolve with time, if I make a promise to myself and sometimes later I find it's impractical, there's no harm in breaking the promise. Although breaking a promise made to someone else may often hurt that person. I believe making someone promise something is a brutal job, which is just forcing him/her against their will.
To the people we love and care, I don't know how worthy those spoken promises are than those unspoken words which we may never say, but carry out or keep in our minds in every moment whenever we are/aren't with the loved ones.
hi mahesh
i hope the post doesn come out of hurt heart..
'how come care( or love) is bounded by promises'.. a very rational thought...
promising is a clear indication that u don believe in urself, ur ordinary statements don hold any worth and by promising u r just tryin to put some weight to what u say and assure urself of ur sound intention..
Hmm..good question.
I guess promises are like children, they need to be delivered! Stupid jokes aside, promises are like betting your reputation on keeping your word. If you promise to give your girlfriend flowers tommorow, that means your are saying either you get flowers or you can have my reputation as a good boyfriend, so now you are forced to deliver(!)on your promise otherwise your reputation is in danger. Man what an analysis! Dont I sound like an economist?
You don't need to promise that you'll love the person. It doesn't require a promise to show that you care. Life is uncertain , as you said. Very nice post. Thought provoking :)
that gives some assurance and that assurance is stumbling most of the times
Sure, that assurance is stumbling but you've also got to see that those asking for such promises must be a bit insecure at heart(about a particular relation/situation) and if such promises help them out in any way, then I don't see any harm in making or asking for such promises...
Cheers!
Ohh... Actually u snatched my next blog topic which was to be about promises n stuffs...
Sooo many questions man...i myself need many answers n over dat u hve put soo many...
Making promises and keeping those are actually bondages in life.
I think what really matters is making out what one's own self thinks right. Yeah we often do give n make promises to others to give sonsolations or temporary joys...but in many cases they may not be carried out proprly....
N ya promises r not essential to prove dt we love smeone ,may b it mean bit less to me (or self, who s makin it), but often it r to b made for the sake of the ppl on the odr hand,,..n we just to make dem feel happy make the promises.
shoudnt u b angry if ur boss dsnt promises u a promotion inspite of ur hard work....
some deserve promises...some want them..
n its not alwys fr us, but often fr others also that we Have to make Promises...:)
Wonderful post, very thought provoking!!!
This is something I've pondered upon and 'haps thats why this post did touch me. I've very often wondered "why make false promises??"
Usually I try not to make any promise until I am certain that the promise can be fulfilled. I try to complete the task without committing verbally. But thats certainly stated in my mind.
Nice post, bro'.
Keep going:)
this ones good..some thought provoking stuff written..well i dont know about promises..cauz i never make promises.Not that i am afrid or laid back when it comes to fulfilling them,but if i intend to do something i do it...i dont like topping them up saying..i promise..Its up to the opposite person to get my word straight.
Hey we have some common films there..i love nuvvu nenu and bommarilu too...:)
Now I feel like expanding on my theme. Reputation is an imaginary(in the sense of an abstract, non physical entity) construct, just like money and doing all the work of money and then some more. A promise is the act of wagering your reputation, which in the absence of money would be your currency. So a promise is man's way to ensure payment when there is a time delay between the the start and the end of an inteaction.
Now that we have money and courts and legal documents to ensure payment. The importance of promises as a binding instrument has waned in prominence.May be that's why old people rave about days when "people had honor". Anyways in the psychological domain reputation is still in currency and promise is still a major transaction preference.
Vittal,
Thank you for that long comment :)I totally agree with you and don't feel to add anything as everything you said makes perfect sense.
Thanks a lot buddy.That was a emergency call from my heart to people like you on Anubhav.
Keep visiting :)
CL,
Hehe.. :) Thanks, Glad you liked it. :)
Divsi,
If u were speechless, how did you manage to say so much huh? ;) lolz..
Chalo, if u hav neva eva thought of it before, at lest my post made you do so. Happy for that ;)
Wow....Again thats one beautiful poem from you..thank u thank u..
Dont worry...iske liye koi "spontaneously writing poet" ka award de dunga mil jaye to..what say?
Thank you very much for that divsi :)
keep visiting.
Lopa,
Awwwww!!! Another long and sensible comment from one of my reader. I am feeling great over this now. My post was randomly written just to take that frustated questions out. After you say so much, i am thinking it could have been better ;) Thank you very much for that eyeopener comment lopa.
That resoultion was take by you right? few days back? :P m i right?
Keep visiting.
Vishal,
Hey, No..It doesnt. Its just a random thought that wandered in my mind while watching one movie.
Hmmm..i know thats a rational thought from my side.
Yeah u r right."anything for that assurance" type.... Hmmm..i agree. :)
Thank you very much for that comment and keep visiting.
Piyush,
Yes, you sounded like a psychiatrist in first comment to me rather than economist :P Well what you said is right. Givign a word is a promise and people make sure you give it and do it what you said.
In second comment you are pakka economist..gawd promise ;) But i hardly managed to understand as i am bad at economics. :) :D
Ekam,
Thank you very much :) glad you liked it :)
keep visiting.
Umesh,
Yes you are right in a way. Practically to sabhi chalta hai..but philosophy of promise is getting hurted somewhere down the line and that is what i was concerned about in the post.
Kabhi kabhi kuch baatein sirf samajhne wali hoti hai par log use promises ke sahare bandh dete hai.
Koi na bhi karna chahe,to bhi karna padta hai.. kuch to free will ke naam par chod dena chahiye na...?
Thanks for the comment anyways :)
Rimz,
m so sorry about that :) Well i am a man with train of questions which most of the times go unanswered.
Well you made a great deal in answering my questions though you had many with yours.. Thanks a ton for that.I very much agree with you...Its just to ensure, console others.
Whatever it is, but i dont like them when it is asked in a situation where i am unsure of what i think of it.
Thanks ad keep visiting.
Deepa,
Thanks deepa and glad you liked it very much.
Keep visiting :)
Madhu,
First of all welcome to my blog :)
Glad you liked it and thanks for the precious comment you added there.
Yeah those are my favs and "same pinch* :D
I visited yours and liked it very much.
Keep visiting gal :)
mazak uda rahe ho? :( I was relle speechless wen I finished reading . Sacchi. Then commented afta ten minutes. Coz one line hit me real hard in the post:(
Divsi,
Arre nahi rey! Jus aise ho bol diya..
What line in my post hit you hard..? batao to zara...
tc..cya
Cheers
Mahesh
second last para first line...
Yep, the resolution was taken by me lately, and I'm taking the resolution almost everyday to think before speaking... Don't seem to progress... :((
Divsi,
Tell you what? It happened most of the times that my friends come up with their problems. Be it family, girl friend, or any other person who hurt them and all, i simply ask them " Koshish kar bhool jane ki" or" light le, Uska kuch nahi kar sakte".
Its really difficult sometimes to forget someone/something but time heals everything divsi. It does, just give time to time.
I am so sorry, but mera intention tujhe sad karne ka to nahi tha :)
Chal ab aish kar, mood to ok ok ho gaya hoga :D
Lopa,
Hmmmm,Nothing wrong in it. I had been trying to control my temper from so many months. Its juts out of my control :P Cant help it anyways :) Hope your resolution would work some day.
Good luck :)
WHAT a thoughful post Mahesh!
We make promises to others, to ourselves, to God and what not! The purpose sometimes is to assure others, to make others/ourselves feel better or to gain something by making a particular promise, perhaps to get out of a difficult situation.
A promise in itself does not show that you love / care for someone, but a well kept promise definitely does.
And yes, we can make promises to care for (I'm not too sure about love, never have been) someone and be there for them for as long as we are alive.
Alright, pravachan khatam. :)
Nice Post...Someone must read this. Someone .. *sigh*
Isha,
Great words..They add much meaning to my post :) Thanks for that.
Rajeev,
Hmmm..so ask that someone to read it :)
Cheers
Mahesh